Saturday, July 5, 2008

watching out for my baby...

funny one of the things i have distinct memory of our 'dating' times, on top of going to dance and being sad when i drop him off, is the song "Someone to watch over me" and i think its probably the "would you tell him please to put on some speed" liner.. *grins*

but i digress... in our relationship, we are constantly watching out for each other. daniel catches me when i fall down the slippery chute of anger and depression and i try to fix him when he is sad or flustered with work.. other than that, we're pretty independently individually., especially daniel cos he is essentially by his own here. but a little ride to work here, a cuddle snucked in there is the least i can do. sometimes i jump in and impose my very narrow views on his actions and chide him for speaking his mind, for doing what makes him special and different and brave.. but i try not to nowadays!

last night, we sorted out some seriously adult stuff, discussed what are his next options in his career, where he wants to be and all the many questions he has had in his mind for a while. and i felt just helpless. i couldn't offer him any professional advice. i can't dictate where i want to live, i don't know half the answers myself, all i wanted to do was to have him with me always.

but one can only be this selfish. and i've learnt that if you love someone, you put his needs above your need for him. so i mustered up my courage and asked him "if not for me, what would you have done.." knowing exactly what the answer was..

and daniel, bless his wonderful heart said "japan. but that was a right decision to not go. and i would still be in the same situation as i am in now, just that i won't have you next to me." and he calmly assured me that no matter what decision he makes, he really still wants me by his side..

for the oodles and oodles that i speak daily, and the nasty comments i throw at him every few seconds, i was speechless.

cos i know that there is only one thing certain at this moment. that i want just to stand right next to him and keep watching out him..

wow, its scary to say it. (and read it written out!) and i would never admit it in person. but he seems like the one.

or at least i hope he's the one. ;)


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