thoughts on having a newborn...

i've recently had the funniest conversations with a few girlfriends. there has been a sudden burst of new babies in our lives. (and all girls!!) so it has been fun and very busy on group chats, mostly middle of the night, discussing unpredictability of newborns, nursing wear and fatigue...

it's been so interesting cos it bring you right back! to the days when putting them down at 7 meant you would be up again at 11 and again at 3 and again at 7. and when you broke your day down by 3 hour chunks to go with the frequent naps and feeds! it really hasn't been a long time ago but all so foreign now! i really appreciate that we've gone through it and at the same time, a lot of respect for the courageous (or forgetful) ones that dive right in for a second go. and third and fourth!! 

{picture by red bus photography}

interestingly enough, a friend asked me "why do you speak of your experience in such a bad light!? when you actually look like you enjoy motherhood and your kid is really not that bad." and it made me laugh. in retrospect, blake was really a good baby. he was a clockwork mouse, a great eater and a sound sleeper. and i do enjoy being HIS mother. and i do speak of the newborn experience so dramatically almost as if im trying to dissuade someone from experiencing it! hahaha... gosh! im such a horrible advocate for motherhood!

then i figured it out. i remember feeling very cheated at the start. no one had given me a heads up of the difficult times. not even my own mother (she must have forgotten! or really wanted me to bear her a grandchild! lol) and i remember feeling exhausted and struggling to keep up and on top of all those hormonal feelings, i felt like a plain loser. so many generations of women ahead of me survived and did great without complaining. all coo-ing over how cute the newborn age is, how that's "THE BEST AGE" cos they don't do anything, they cry softly like kittens, they are small, etc. but there was no point of reference, no one (but one friend!) to tell me there's so much to look forward to. that it wasn't a reflection of my wussiness to think its rough!!

so i think im just trying to be that one friend that tells you that it's ok to feel exhausted. that it's hard work and a test of your endurance. and to not love that moment you involuntarily jump out of bed because your baby is crying even though you just fed, burped, changed your kid. and it is freakin' three am!! its not a bad time. and it does get better. and i just want you to know that i've been through it, cried in the shower cos its tough and that its not the best age!! :) but you will love that kid more and more each passing day. and you'll never appreciate one good night's sleep more in your life. 

if you need that kind of pep talk, you know where to find "that one friend"!!

xoxo