Tuesday, November 5, 2013

about breastfeeding...

i thought about not writing about this. 

mostly because i don't mean for it to be a controversial discussion. so disclaimers galore before i begin. i think that whether you breastfeed or not is not an indicator of how dedicated a mom you are. i don't believe for a second that breastfed babies are closer to their moms (bottled fed since birth and love my mama till death.) or healthier. nor do i think that there is a magic age that you should feed your child till. i think nursing moms should be able to do it wherever and whenever they need. and mums should do whatever works best for themselves, bottle, express, direct.. whatever and all that good stuff. it really is such a touchy subject.


"ooo boob!"

but that being said, we did it for one whole year. 

i enjoyed it because it was convenient. i felt like if we got stranded anywhere, i could feed blake and keep him alive. nevermind us adult... but he would still be fine and dandy. i enjoyed it because it made me feel special. when he's inconsolable, nothing my girls can't take care of. there was very little sterilizing to deal with. and i could claim credit for every kilo he put on. and best part is.. i could eat anything guilt-free. food never tasted better!!

but we were never too pedantic about it. we introduced the bottle when he was two month old. we directly fed when it was convenient, bottle-fed when i needed a break. we introduced formula pretty early on and did a mix of that. when he fell ill, by doctor's request, we'd build up my supply again.. otherwise, we started weaning feed by feed from when he was six month old. my initial plan was to feed until he was six months. but it was going well. so i thought till he bit me. but he didn't. so we went all the way till he turned one. and i felt like it was time. 

so on his birthday morning, i fed him one last time. i held him as a child, wide away and doe-eyed in our bed. and held his hands. and told him that he's a big kid now. and that he didn't need to nurse from mama anymore. and that he's still welcome to cuddle up anytime he needs. and i'll be here always for him. but when he was done, gave him a kiss and off he went to explore the world. and left me all teary eyed curled up in bed. hah!


and that was it. in the days to come, he did cosy up for cuddles more. he did cheekily try to sneak a peek down my top. and when i was getting dressed, i caught him sneaking peeks at me. but nothing too dramatic. it has been two weeks and no relapse. so i guess we're done.

and since this is probably our last kid ever, i've dramatically tossed out our over-worn nursing clothes, ugly easy-access bras (YUCKNESS!), jumped right back into my unhealthy diet, guilt-free alcohol and coffees!! and bought a whole bunch of nice lingerie and clothes with no-access to my boob! waheyyy!! while its one part liberating, its also a little sentimental that he'll never need me in the same urgent, fill-ma-belly (and love tank!!) kinda way. 

and i'll always recall his valedictory feed with fondness... his little hands softly hugging me, his soft cheeks suckling and that steady breathing against my bare skin from the comfort he gets from nursing. on days that were long and taxing, it was a gentle reassurance that i was still loved despite (my) temper tantrums. it was like a long cuddlefest to reset the world. it was nice and natural and kind to my tired soul. and all i hope is that it gave him as much goodness as it gave me. 

and for that, im very grateful. 

p.s. special mention to our family and daniel, for handing me hot towels, and cold cabbage (?!), sending me to the hospital for nasty mastitis, and lovely friends for piling on lactation teas and for endless encouragement to keep it going. it'd such a blessing to be able to claim credit for something so easily done.

xx

12 comments:

  1. Awww. that made me tear! thanks for sharing this. Battling through plugged ducts now and this post was really encouraging. Being grateful for the journey thus far is so important! I'm gonna be a wreck when he takes the last feed! GAH! But the freedom that comes with it... I can only imagine hehhe. :)

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    1. man! blocked ducts are the WORST!!! *big hugs* hang tight hon!! and yeah look forward to the freeeeedom! :)

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  2. oh my goodness, this post really touched me, I felt teary. We are going to start weaning soon, and I already feel like maybe we don't need to yet. I am looking forward to glasses and glasses of mojito and pina coladas though :)

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    1. heh! so emotional yet liberating right? it really left me a little clueless for a while... (and the raging hormones probably didn't help too!!)

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  3. Don't know why my earlier comment didnt get through!

    Such a sweet, heartfelt post. I loved breastfeeding my two boys too (even though I only lasted 6-7 months with Ryan) - I wasn't super at it, I sucked at expressing and had to brush aside a lot of negative comments about how I should just give up and switch to formula, etc. But the closeness and bonding it gave us, I would never trade it for the world. I still look back at that time I shared with each child very fondly :)

    PS. What do you mean B is your last baby?! You must make more cute babies, says bossy Aunty Debra ;)

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    1. babe!! you left two comments to instruct us to have more babies? that's dedication yo! :)

      and awww isn't it the nicest thing to remember of them as wee little things? i can hardly remember the yuckier moments already! ahhh bless the post-natal mummy brain! :)

      xx

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  4. Hi Z! Just a reader who has stalked u for years. :)

    Love this post and I love how chilled you are towards breastfeeding. It remains a very sensitive issue with me as it was the root of my postnatal depression after my first boy. Unlike you, I was stubborn towards it but failed after struggling with it for 6 months. I took it very hard and with a very challenging first baby, I was a very miserable, exhausted and depressed me.

    I think I understand where you are coming from when you say B is probably your last kid. My first boy was a monster (haha) who had issues with sleep and feeding - the 2 most important basic duties of a baby. He refused naps and even the paed described him as a hyper, strongwilled baby. He was not interested in food. Took me 2 months before successfully putting food in his mouth. And he couldn't deal with routines.... I can go on and on about how miserable he made me!! lol... BUT, husband wanted a 2nd kid. I was scared. And to be honest, I was never a child-friendly person. I didn't think it was necessary to have more than 1 kid. I felt I had already done my part as a child-bearer... However, I gave in. Our 2nd boy was born after our first one turned 4. I didn't know if I was ready to have a 2nd child but I knew I might just regret one day if I didn't. Now my 2nd boy is 2 and I tell you, having him was the best decision ever. a 2nd child really does complete a family and I never thought I will say this!

    Just sharing my experience here. Nobody should or can tell you if you should have more than 1 kid. All the best Z!

    Cindy xx
    Ps. thanks for following me on instagram. You probably don't remember that you are following a @kikuboutique or @trinketsntea (I'm still not sure which name appears on instagram - lol)!


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    1. that's right about the sweetest thing anyone has written to me! :) thanks for taking the time to share that with me! you make bloggin worth the effort, hon!! :) xxx

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  5. Congrats on making it one year! I have the same goal. And you are so right... breastfeeding vs. formula is SUCH a controversial and touchy topic for many mamas. I had no idea!

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    1. it is huh!? you sit back and hear the mom's discuss it at great length like its a judge of how awesome a mom they are… so silly sometimes!!

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  6. I really enjoyed reading this. Lovely!

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  7. ooh i came by this post …. while my little piglet is fighting off the bottle as my helper is trying to feed her…. and i think…maybe it's not time to drop the breastfeeding..YET… ahhhh.. decisions decisions….

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