Thursday, March 21, 2013

sleep little precious sleep...


blake's a delightfully easy child. 

he's not easily fussed and for most parts of the day, he is a jolly belly. but like most little people his age, he can be a crankypants at times. but i'd like to think that this is god's way of making up for our parenting inadequacies.

but he's not perfect. just as im far from perfect. 

and so sometime last week, i decided i was going to put down my foot and sleep train him. no more of those "technically its doing his nights if its more than 7 hours" crap.. i selfishly wanted solid 7-7 uninterrupted sleep. ok... his doctor did say that if he's growing well and he's healthy, perhaps he's still too young for sleep-training but... oh boy i was determined. i dug out parenting books, articles online, spoke to girlfriends and planned and plotted. 

but it was the worst nights of my life. we lay there in the dark hearing him cry, and intentionally holding back milk, cuddles and love. and later hear him sooth himself to sleep. then wrecked with guilt, i'd lie there in the dark for the next two hours guilty so no one got any sleep... 


one week of interrupted sleep later, he's improved very little bit but is far from kicking that pesky feed from his sleep. i read this article and my heart broke a little more. at no point of our lives, would i wish for blake to feel that his parent are not coming for him. and my heart ached for him a little more that at 5 months old, he has to go through all this puzzling expectations because his parents (who probably don't know any better) had a change of mind one fine day.. 

so while we're not about to drop everything and go running to him each time he sighs. and within reason, we will still have him sooth himself to sleep... i think we're going to give this sleep-training business a break. and try again when he is slightly older. one day when he is all grown up, i'm going to miss the nights he whimpers for a little comfort from his mama, his sweet breath, his soft cheeks and cute little sighs of contentment in the dead of the night.

but this failed exercise serves as an important reminder in parenting. that i want and need to do this whole thing better. and that i shouldn't be focusing on (and stressing over) the bazillion things i'd rather do with my time, sleep, house chores, crafts, sample sales, travel... but to truly put the little one in first place. and be his mama with my whole heart.

xx

17 comments:

  1. I couldn't go through with the crying-it-out sleep training too :\ Had to shut out all the advice and just did what I thought felt right for us (which was to comfort crying baby and soothe him back to sleep). I have lots of people tsk-tsk me when I tell them Ry still wakes up a few times at night (even now!) but I don't really care anymore. I am the one who is there with him at night, not them.

    Their sleeping habits get better as they grow older, promise. My boys were the most difficult from 3-6 months but after that they learn to sleep more soundly. Sean found his comfort object very quickly so all I had to do was shove it to him and he would quietly soothe himself to sleep. Ry (now 13 months) still needs to cry a little before sleeping but once he is out, he can sleep for a good 5-6 stretch. He wakes up once or twice for a bottle in the night.

    Hang in there :)

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    1. sigh... i wished these kiddos came with a personalized manual! im happy to do whatever works for him but the trial and error is such a painful guess!

      i'll give it a rest! and trust that he will settle himself down a little after 6 months!!

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    2. Debs, our kids are so similar! We can't do the cry it out method too. Tried but too hard. When I hear of other kids sleeping through the night at a few months old, I'm like, WHATEVER! Hahah!

      My consolation to the husb and myself is that the kids won't need us like this for long. I feel odd when I don't wake up with Thaddeus' foot, bum or head in my face.

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  2. it's hard being a mummy, so don't be too hard on yourself. and above all else, thanks for being so honest :) it helps to know that not everyone around is perfect all.the.time :P xx

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    1. hahahh sooooo far from perfect! i think the worst thing is after a hard day you sit and wonder if you could've should've done it better or differently!!

      big hugs to you!!

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  3. your last paragraph there put me to shame. I'm the mama that's constantly waiting for a break when they sleep so that i can get the chores done and get some me-time & connect to social media! OOpsie!

    Heh. I dont really bother sleep training because i think they'll sleep if they want to. Jerry started sleeping through the night at abt 5 months old all by himself without me doing anything. On the other hand, i do know of kids who are 3-4 years old and are still waking up for milk. I know im lucky with him and hopefully, i'll get lucky with jerome too. and i wish you get lucky with blakie too! Does he wake very often in the night? or how about dragging his feeds slightly longer than usual so that he doesnt need to wake that often?

    and yes, thanks for the timely reminder. putting the kids first. :)

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    1. me too! and im always watsapp while nursing blake while he's trying to get my attention! so since then, i've put away my phone when nursing!!

      he's now doing a dream feed with a 6am feed. not TOO impossibly! so maybe i'll just suck it up and leave it us it is!!

      isn't parenting so hard!? even when he's asleep i have to "train" him.. i can almost hear my brain screaming "give that little dude a break!"

      xx

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  4. Oh man, I feel you! I have been trying to "sleep train" my little bud (she's 2.5 months old now) too and the only way she would sleep for at least 5-7 hours at a go is to sleep beside me. I was all adamant about following all the advice from sleep guru but at the end of the day, I figure that she's only a baby for such a short time. I will just do what it takes to make her feel loved and attended to.

    Here's a good resource website for helping babies to sleep. http://www.troublesometots.com/

    I hope it gets better for you!

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    1. 2.5 months! thats such a sweet age! blake used to sleep through the night then!! ahhhh the good oh days!

      thanks for the website!! fingers crossed for your bubsie!

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  5. omg you have suuuuuuch an adorable blog! Your baby is ADORABLE and so is your puppy!

    -liv
    http://chocolivlovelaugh.blogspot.kr

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  6. sleep training... the bane of my (current) existence! little E just cries and cries and cries for hours(!!!) when we put him to sleep. Once he's asleep he's fine, but every night is now a struggle :( I was almost tempted to try CIO, but just couldn't when listening to him crying :(

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    1. actually funny thing is after we stop "training" he slept so much better! maybe we're better off just leaving things be!! *sigh*

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  7. Oh it must have been so hard for you to hear him cry in the dark. Hopefully little Blake will settle into a sleep pattern in time.

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    1. i hope so too! :) i told my girlfriends im throwing a party the day he sleeps through the night! xx

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  8. Hang in there. I don't know what to call what we did - it was kinda like sleep training but not really a prescribed method based on a book or anything. What I know definitely worked for us is this - dilute his middle-of-night feed gradually. He'll soon learn that it's not worth it to wake up for this feed cos he'll get low quality stuff. And he'll automatically load up during the day before bed time.

    But you know your baby best. We tried it with C when he was about 3 months - not ready and we stopped after about 3 days. Did it again at about 5 months and worked like a charm. Now, C mostly sleeps through - 9.30pm to 7/7.30am, but has episodes where he wakes up crying (for comfort; we never feed him after the last 9.30pm feed other than the odd 2/3 times when he really needed it) 3-4 times a night (months 8-10 were very hard - it happened daily).

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    1. yeah i've read about that before too! but he feeds from the breast at night so unless i shorten his feed (which seems cruel cos he is genuinely hungry!) poor little guy!!

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