Wednesday, May 2, 2012

some thoughts :: being social

im a firm believe of being honest. my real-life personality is pretty close to what you think i am from my blog. maybe with a little more zhing and energy. but one of the things that don't necessary show through my blog is my social awkwardness...

i know. it sounds cray-zeee.. 
cos you'd think im a loud and chatty extrovert.
im that 99% of the time.. but only if i know you. 
the other times, i get sweaty palms and hide behind someone.
and get serious tummy ache from anxiety. 
(p.s. im a terrible trophy wife. i find all kinds of excuses to skip out on the husb's work functions.)


in my recent attempts to be a better person, i went for a stitch & bitch session with some ladies in tokyo. all strangers. all english-speakers. figured we'd have something in common for sure. 
and they were absolute lovely. but man it was nerve-wrecking. 


i was very thankful i had my blanket to hide behind. but i felt inadequate (the only foreigner who didn't speak any japanese) and out of place (they were serious hardcore knitters and crochet was "in-between" and tv watching projects.. *hides face*)


once again, it was not them. its really just me.

not sure if that's something i can change at this point in my life. 
but i kinda wished i had that natural flair and could walk up to anyone and strike up a charming conversation! ;) 

any tips? 

p.s. these adorable cross-stitch iphone cases from purl soho come as a blank slate. 
what a cute diy idea!

xx


19 comments:

  1. I don't believe you, socially awkward?? LOL. really???
    But i know what you mean. I dread going to events where I only know the host and my husband. nerve wrecking and just like first day in a new school where everybody seems to already have their own clicks.

    Are you back from hawaii? how's jen's wedding? Looking from the beautiful canapes, i can't imagine the actual wedding. Report pleaseee :)

    xx

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  2. I love the white bird design! But they run out of it! Boo!

    Haha I get nervous when I have to talk to my husnand's bosses. Very bad in holding professional small talk ! My greatest fear is sounding like a dull boring person.

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    1. i like that one too! don't you just stitch it on using the blank slate? Or do they give you a pattern??

      yeah! i avoid my husbands' bosses like a rat to cat. its super unclassy! :)

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    2. my biggest fear is sounding dumb. which is soooo easy to do cos they talk about real serious worldly stuff! *sigh*

      i feel like i need to read time magazine before we chat each time!

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  3. simple way to go is engage them in topics that you are interested in, like their clothes their shoes etc, their bags etc.. and if they talk about something that you are not familiar, just listen as if you are picking up a tip or two, you dun have to show that you are well versed in their subject matter.. more imptly, just give some eye contact and SMILE.. your smile does wonders.. i dun think anyone can resist your smile! =D and if it gets boring in that one conversation or you think your limit of human interaction is up, excuse urself by getting the eye contact of another group or "someone" and leave... =)

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    1. smile. ya.. that's a good one. i smile way too much. i think im also super sensitive to silences..

      but that exit strategy is gold. im usually like "food!" and leave! lol

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  4. Oh love, you, socially awkward? Being in a room full of strangers is nerve-wrecking... but practice makes perfect though, and maybe you just need to find something that won't intimidate you! If all else fails, say you need to run home to tend to Mu! Hahahaha :P

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    1. lol! i already say that all the time! he's such a great excuse! :)

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  5. Hi babe, I think it's natural to be comfortable and be yourself only when you feel safe. I also think that it's cool that you get out of your comfort zone by challenging yourself :)

    I hate social functions where I need to small talk and thankfully I'm not expected to accompany hubby for any. Phew! If I do need to interact with strangers/new people, I try to ask questions and be a good listener. It's not always necessary to be the one to initiate conversations. Asking questions, showing interests in what others are saying are important skills too. And when you find a common interest or topic, take risks and share more. Small step, little by little, it will get better.

    Well, you invited me for coffee when you don't know me irl :) Too bad it didn't happen but that shows me that you're open and willing to try. Thank you and I appreciate your effort and interest in knowing me. :) xx

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    1. good tips! :) good listener! i need to work on that!! xx

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  6. I can't imagine you being socially awkward.. but I know how you feel.. I'm a little like that as well but at least you took the first step and made the effort to know more people. I'm sure your personality shone through during the session and in no time you will be chatty with this group of ladies.

    I don't fancy social functions where I need to indulge in small talk either but if I have a glass of alkie in hand, it relaxes me a little. Hehe :)

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    1. definitely need that champagne to even turn up at events! :)

      being away from home definitely made that a bigger issue!! in the past i'd just hide behind my friends...

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  7. Maybe you feel even more so coz you are in a foreign country. At least you went out and tried to mingle :)

    I'm a bit of a social hermit too! My husband likes to tease me and say I only have about 5 friends in total and don't need any more (which is kinda true, haha).

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    1. i have ONE friend in tokes. and FOUR in singapore! lol we're on par!

      but definitely being in a foreign country makes it more obvious!!

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  8. Wow look at you getting all of this good advice :) You're sooo not socially awkward - it's all in your head, hun! Even when you tell me that you are or were socially awkward, I can't tell! I mean, it's natural to act differently around other people, but you get along with people so well and easily! Look at the wedding - you fit right in with my girls and Taro's friends. Everyone loved you and Daniel (they seriously came up just to tell me that). Even my MOM said that she loved you!! :) And if all else fails... alcohol helps.

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    1. dude!!! i hide behind your mason jars with lemonade! how much more shy can i get??

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    2. that's only in the very beginning! we didn't have mason jars all night :P

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  9. wah. ok everybody pretty much took the words out of my mouth. But i'd agree with the 'smile' bit. it just makes interaction a little easier even though you don't know which way to go after the initial flash of pearly whites! but it's a start.

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  10. I work in retail and have most of my life and I still have moments where I can't talk to people, but by now I have learned to plaster on the face and then just walk up like I own the place. The inner dialog is very hard.

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