Wednesday, March 12, 2008

of ALL the things you believe in...

this is the one thing you HAVE to believe in, baby... Cos if you don't give it your all, 100 % of your faith in it, you will not be giving it a proper shot. and i want to give it a proper shot with you cos i feel strongly for you and i want you to know it. 

this is what my love told me last night. 

i love and hate the way daniel pin points my every weakness and insecurity. on one hand it saves time having to go around in circles trying to find out whats wrong. but at the same time it forces me to face these issues that i would otherwise not have to deal with. (yes, i know im an escapist. the world has to be perfect otherwise i bolt)

so lets think.

1) need to be less of a perfectionist - this is as perfect as it can get. work with it. 
2) need to be less competitive- its ok to fail or do something wrong. you just pick yourself up and continue walking. 
3) admit that even when people try their very best, things can and will still screw up.

i have a huge issue with (3). i personally don't believe in it. in my own little world, im a super hero. if i want something to work, it will. however tough or impossible, it has to work and i will put all my efforts to make sure it does. i guess it does tie in with (1) and (2) huh? so i've never done anything in my life that i know i won't succeed in. even when i dance, i have to be good or eventually one of the better ones. 

unfortunately in relationshps, there is no guarantee and i typically suck at it. so i tend to put half my efforts into it. so at least when something goes awry, im already halfway out. 

dumb. and such a wrong approach to life. and such a burden to have to carry with me.

i really should do something about it. but what?


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