Friday, February 29, 2008

the verdict on japan

one thing we do a lot is talk.

about everything under the sun. from work, to family, to broken arms, ex boyfriends.. and we analyze and we judge and giggle and we teach ourselves and each other stuff and we make little promises that we won't make the same mistakes. sometimes it just seems random and odd but mostly, its all good.

and right smack in the middle of last evening's conversation, he said with a straight face, in his 'serious lawyer' voice.. "ok babe. don't freak our now. i have something to tell you." WHAM in my face! how do you not freak out when someone says that to you! seriously now! and passed me his Blackberry to read this long email he wrote.. it was his decision on his secondment to Japan. 

he had decided not to go.

my mind drew a blank.

what should i feel. what do i feel. what does that mean. what have i done. have i just made him give up his dream. i was a mess of guilt, panic and pursued dreams. then i took a breath. i need to give it a chance. i need to stop running away. cos here he is. perfect in every manner possible in front of me, willing to give us a real shot. and i need to as well.

so this is it. me and daniel. and i have to trust what he says, he's happy. and i am happy. and for once, it feels right.

we're going to be awesome together. i already know it.


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