easter sunday...

there was only one thing on our agenda this morning: get a seat in church service. not that its a big deal to stand but last week on palm sunday, we were booted to the back of the church and between the crowd, distracting palm leave wavers and kids trying to drink from the pew *ewww*, it was a challenge to stay focused.

and so we set off early, only to realize that there were more than hundreds of people who think likewise and even 20 mins prior to service, the entire parking lot was full. we had to spill into the opposite church's parking lot and take a shuttle bus in!! but it felt like primary school altogether, lining up waiting for bus to come.. and as expected, church was brimming full of easter devotees.. TWICE the amount of sunday service so we stood at the back leaning against the wall. but today's message was meaningful. The father asked a whole bunch of questions. 'do you sing your morning prayer and bring the joy to work", "do you forgive the trespasses of the others even if they don't ask for forgiveness..", "do you treat your neighbours with love?". it ended in a question "have you been a witness to or is a reflection of the resurrection of jesus?" and it stuck me.

i've always been a very stubborn & proud child. i always wanted to be right, to be better than others & to be perfect. but in my quest for perfection, i pretty much built a psychological wall around me that is very critical,very judging & very unforgiving. im always the first to say 'i will NEVER be like her" or "i will never want kids cos im too self-centered", "i'll never date ang-mohs" or most of the time, "he's not good enough for me." (not that im saying that its right to date every tom, dick or harry, but im just very very quick to jump to that conclusion based on one flaw).

at work, we have a bunch of people who meet once a month for Beer Pong. it has always been an exclusive, by-invites only shindig whose outrageous stories are infamous round the resort. but when someone organized a Cinco De Mayo & Beer Pong Extravaganza party and invited the whole office.. i was the first to say "count me out. i don't party with strangers". and in my own defense, i told my peeps at lunch that i've always been this way. i pick and choose my company, i stick tight to my clique, i am NOT nice at all to the rest. ever since grade school i have been this way. and therefore, in my own self-righteous voice, i will always be this way.

shame.on.me.

till this day, easter is an occasion, a holiday, a chance to dress up & have easter egg hunts the full rahrah of events and the resurrection is a story that i believe in, that i say 'thank you" to everysoften and procede to move on in my decadent lifestyle. but this year, i know that this realization should not only remain in the deepest center of my being. its about time i learn to let it step out and start reflecting in my actions. for one, im RSVP-ing for that party tomorrow. who knows.. maybe i'll enjoy it even without the margeritas!!